school's starting..... not soon enough

i so excited that im going to start school. i can't wait, i've been waiting 7 months. my exceptance letter came on Saturday, now all i have to do is go down to make the payments. i'm ready to make new friends, and dive right into school work. though i'll have to put my social life on hold most of the days.... no more shopping, clubbing..etc. i want a laptop too. DELL- PINK.

And i want to repaint my room, and put up my pictures... i think its time to be a pink princess. haha

yesterday was merv's commissioning parade. it was so interesting. he was the contingent thingy...haha. holding the sword and all. and his brother and i made a bet (cause he insisted the second infantry contingent was him), anyway i lost the bet, and lost my money. :( lol
all in all, it was fun.

then we went for a lil' alcohol/ game night at D's....... if only we got there earlier the rest would have been more alive..... pansies!!!

the truth about girls

Said about girls:
1. when a girl says there's nothing wrong, there's always something wrong
2. when a girl says 'we're just friends', means they really are just friends
3. not all girls like being controlled. we like freedom
4. girls need space, just like guys do
5. don't do things we hate, we'll end up hating you
6. we get pissed off easily, its just a girl thing
7. girls get jealous, just has quick as guys do
8. don't lie/ hide things from us, it just makes us mad and turn to friends
9. never question a girls relationship with her friends(male), she knows her status
10. if you love us, trust us
11. make a point to listen to our opinions
12. if she asks for your friends, means she likes them
13. we hate having to ask 'what's wrong' and not get any answers. confine in us, it makes us feel like you care
14. choose your words wisely, girls are touchy if you sound rude. we'll just get pissed off
15. we never lie about our feelings
16. girls lose interest in guys if they get boring; they do the same thing, they do nothing at all....etc
17. don't make a girl jealous, you'll regret it
18. if she wants to spend time with her friends alone, let her. because when your around your her first priority

options...........

1. its my life
2. my choices
3. my mistakes to make, experiences to gain
4. you don't know me, im not you
5. your trying to help, but know nothing about everything

sometimes i feel death would solve everything....
but the one i'd hurt the most doesn't deserve it.......
fucked up entry, fucked feelings, fucking pissed off!!!!!

leave me the hell alone!

Batam trip

I went for a short holiday with merv and his friends, like last last week. It was short but relaxing. getting away from everyone here, and just spending some time with him. Shopping wasn't that great, but we ate quite a bit. Damn! i was constantly thinking of running the whole time i ate. haha. i think i've now developed a fear of getting fat. oh well, we watch Narnia: Prince Caspian there. and yes i know, you go overseas but you watch a movie... hey it was cheap, and well i was dying to see it. But it was shit ass cold in there!! and i was without a jacket. plus there was a technical error halfway through the movie. and Indonesians don't stick around till the end of the show, a handful were leaving at the most exciting parts....weird! it was funny when they fell down the steps trying to leave in the pitch dark theater. hah! we went bowling too... used stupid names on the board like batman, superman, britney, slut. lol! and as if it wasn't enough, im going away again.! yay. Thailand.....shopping shopping shopping..... i already know what im going to buy.. hehe. but its a weekend away from him, and i'll miss him. i know i'll but him something. hehe...





why do i feel like he is a little distant from me, are you sure there isn't anything wrong m love?

all systems no go

damn it! my computer crashed again. this time it wasn't the lightening or my fault for kicking it. my cousin killed it. she couldn't wait and just kept on clicking and clicking and then it hung. and now it's dead. thanks alot Thea! haha. BUT, if my dad gets me a lappie cause of this i'll let you play that lame barbie game on my computer the next time you come. haha. I want a lappie.. i want i want i want.
i miss my cousin. she just had her prom, and she sent pics. omgh! her dress was gorgeous. so i told her i'll send up pics after merv's ball. heard that baby. we gotta camwhore through the night!! lol

ok thats it. im just complaining my computer is dead and gone, and that i want a lappie. really daddy it will save you more money. and im using my sister's computer when she's not around. oops! i hope she doesn't read my blog. haha.

not a target, nor shooting blanks

hey guys, i really hope you didn't take the voice out last thursday in a negative way. we weren't targeting anyone, nor were we shooting blankly at you guys. we (seniors) just feel that the way you projected the motives of the current team in a two-toned way. "catch up or get left behind". Blazers is a team, a family to some. when we want to hide away from our insane lives you are who we go to. I know Ken, Larry, Mark were pointed out by uncle sam. and Ken i couldn't help feel that you thought you were being picked on, but maybe my opinion of you in the team will make you feel better. I think you and larry and mark are the strongest guys in the team, i mean, hey you are the only ones who could possibly do a really powerful basket toss (if you continue working hard). so don't get so defensive ok...... there are always good comments if you look hard enough for them. :)
yes, its true we all have to let go and move on with our lives, my times running short. haha. but the day i bring doughnuts then its official that i can't commit as often.
for the team, don't feel pressured that others are moving faster than you, cause they will always turn around to help, if you really want it, don't just coast.....push yourselves to the limit :)



see you all monday!

dress hunting!

met nut today, we went present and dress hunting. Though we couldn't find a present....and gather any ideas, we managed to find two boutiques that had promising dresses. Such a relief i'll tell you. It isn't easy finding simple elegant dresses here, cause everywhere is spring collection. that means big bright, bold colours, on dresses that are so casual. Oh well, the two are Coast and Daniel Yam. I hope mervyn will say yes to the one at Daniel Yam, i like that one so so much. haha. And i'll only be using the dress twice this year...... damn! but its reasonable.

Anyway.... everyone is leaving me. they are all leaving for Aust! why can't i go too...... sigh. i mean yea, i'll be home sick and i'll miss my baby alot. but i want that experience you know? maybe i can do a internship overseas for 6 months. that would be fun! please please please.... let everything be for the best. :(

a friend is a friend!

I'm so beyond fed up with her. She is so irritating, i don't need another mother! I'm near 21.. i think my actual parents raised me right; to know good and bad. And i'd like to think that i'm happy with merv that i won't be cheating on him??? So just back off would you. Why can't people of your generation see that it's not a crime to hang with a person of the opposite sex. There is such a thing as just friends you know. Like what? you think every guy that you hang out with you have to like? please... look at him. HE IS ONLY A FRIEND! he is nice company to hang out with, plus he likes gore!..... argh! i just wish you'd shut up and keep your comments to yourself, i can't be bothered to hear them.

labour day

let me start off with wednesday,day before the public holiday. we went over to donny's place, played a little poker, drank some, watched the Liv vs Chels match. lol. So not me i know. But anyway, i had fun. I don't really hang with them see, so it was a change and turned out to be really fun. we arrived sober! and left whoozzy. haha. when we were sober we listened to normal music - alil' kayne, flo rida.... and as the alcohol kept coming we moved into - tiesto, gigi, dj alice, darude, robert miles, and anything else that was trance...lol! i was suprised donny's mom didnt wake up, we were so noisy. Laughing, giggling outside the laundry room- waiting in line to piss out all the beer....haha. but it was a ball man! got home at 6am, slept till 11 30 am, woke starving! then i met mervyn to watch ironman. shit! that show was really good. i mean i was like interested at first but lost interest but still went along because he wanted to watch it so much. like the lil kid he is...so adorable! so anyway back to the movie.... it was like average for me at first till the movie picked up and then..... it was like whoa! awesome!! beats spiderman and x-men. for sure.

I can't wait to get back to school. I'm so bored at home. I want to meet new people, lol. Hopefully get into the same class as my girl mal! at least i'll know someone on my first day.

I was just informed yesterday that my batch- seniors, quit cheer! i was so shocked when ting messaged me. It was so sudden, well actually not so. They were mentioning it. Then they said they voiced out, but the juniors refused to listen. Sigh. What has happened to the team. Everyone is moving into different directions. I hope for something to happen to make them see where this team has come from, who are the people who built it, the values behind it.......... the queen! you know who you are. you've got nothing to lose if you BITCH out, not voice out. Because we sure as hell don't know how else to reach them. And this happened the one training i missed. My gosh!!!

and now my thoughts..... i feel like he's getting a little distant. i don't know how else to reach him. I've tried explaining, telling him how i feel about his reactions but nothing. its always a "ok", "sorry hun". are you afraid to respond when we talk, are you shy cause your mate is there? you were never like that, it has become like that over the year...... communication is important isn't it? how are we to move forward if we don't face what's right in front us.... is it asking too much? we've come so far, i don't want to lose you. they say you have one true love in your lifetime.. baby you are it. so lets try?

something so damn random

This week the juniors are coming in for their first training session, and i wont be there! Damn it. I sprained my wrist so badly. But im just thinking to go and see if i can help out for a few hours??? or should i rest my hand. I have to study too for my paper this sat.....hmm. Maybe i'll go on friday to relax a little before sat's paper.... we'll see how.

I need ideas for a 21st. My parents asked me again yesterday. Argh! so frustrating, i can't think of anything. I'm afraid i'll have friends who are anti social cause it isn't their clique and not mix around..... how how how??? I need help but yet the only person isn't around.... Trudy!!!! come back quick i miss you la woman!

I'm so bored.........there's got to be something more in Singapore for us to do. Its like we always go to the same places. Don't you think? I think we should hunt for weird strange things to do. Haha....

this is me now...

My life is so boring right now. After i quit my job at GG<5 all i've been doing is just staying at home. lol. Its relaxing! but i'm getting bored. My morning rituals are like this.....

Monday, Wednesday, Friday :

• 8-9am Good morning Mickey & House of Mouse
  
• 9-10am The Ellen Show
• 10-11am Mtv TRL
• 11-1130am Totally Spies
• 12-1pm Powerpuff girls
• 3-330pm The Bold and the Beautiful

As you all can tell by now, yes. I do love cartoons. lol. I'm still a kid deep within. But there are differences when its Tuesday and Thursday; i have training at TP!!! Finally something to keep me entertained. ;P
But its not enough, some one ask me out! Lets go for a movie, shopping..... dinner?? lol. Anyone.....









Out of the jungle and into a bunk! He's back he's back....or at least will be soon. :)

Over and done with

Our 2 performances came to an end yesterday :) I was really glad i didn't forget my dance steps. However, our first performance the table couldn't get up on time, and the second......this was so upsetting, because we couldn't hear the music to get our timing right for the simplest of stunts. The elevator pop :( other than that everything else went up. I'm not too upset about it, because we didn't have that much time to train, and practice for it. But all in all. It was an OK performance.

I was asked a funny question the other day. my answer back to you XL is.. yes i am interested actually. But..shhh don't tell anyone. hehe.

I was so exhausted yesterday, though i wanted to go out. But as soon as i reached home, did all the necessary i was out cold! slept for 10 hours and now im here blogging.

He's left with 4 more days in the jungle then he'll be back on the 26th, im so counting down the days. I miss him so much! But at least i have things to occupy me. Like the recruitment drive coming up, my tutorial class and studying for my supp thats on the 3rd of May, and of course training with the whacky Blazers, and words cant describe the captain la... lol. He does the strangest things and i always happen to catch them and laugh. Thanks ah.... makes part of my day.

i was kinda really happy i got to base more in the orientation performance. Usually im like tumbling or just spotting. Basing the table top felt great, along with the elevator and hitch :) maybe coach will let me base more.. lol!

Performance gitters

I'm so nerves about tomorrow. Blazers are performing at the TCC. It's been exactly 1 years since i last performed there. Yet im so nervous about it. Today we had to help out with the HSS students. And the few of us that went had to come up with a routine and teach the basic stuff to all of the students. omg! tiring..... But! it was kinda fun being on the other end, though a little stressful. I know how you feel Justin. HAHA!!! My worst fear tomorrow is that i screw up the dance, and everyone will be watching...ahhhh.

Ok, short entry. I'm tired. Got to wake up early for the performance. Damn! And Friday's performance in the hot sun!!!


I miss my boyfriend! so damn much.... come home :(

Out Field.

You after 3 weeks of confinement, with only 1 bar. So where are you at now?? ...... reaching pro-term and what? 3 bars.......

He left for his survival test this morning. Sigh. 9 days he'll be out in the jungle with like what 2 days of food to survive on? and..... navigation exercises. I hope he does well. Then he'll be awarded his badge. I'm so proud of you baby. You've made it this far, not long more and you'll be an Officer :) I remember when you first started your 9 month course, you we're so down about it. But look at where you are now..... In 2 months or less you'll be commissioned :) :) then hopefully its more flexible hours. I love you so so much!

this is going to be short

I realise now that everyone has their own mindset on how they want the team to function. But i'm thinking that's going to cause more problems. Though many of us didn't really reveal what we had on our minds during the last training session. I'm guessing its because we don't want to cause an argument. Or maybe we're just afraid of being backed into a corner verbally. I took last weekend to really think about all this. And i just want to post this out especially to my Blazers team mates.

I love all of you so much. When i came back, i have to admit i was really happy. Because no matter how bad my day was, when i step foot into training all that just goes away. And its because of you guys. So i think, in my opinion. We should give our input to everyone in the team, especially when we feel something should be done in a different way / approach. And not just demand on that change but suggest it and see what other responses you get. Cheer-ocracy :)

We are one team. One family. We should learn to understand each other. :)


This post once again. goes out to all my Blazers. See you later :)

History

1. First History

Training. Grudges held, and everything else we were feeling had to be said and gotten over with. Not that easy, but i guess we all have to move on till it surfaces again, Which i'm sure it will.....

2. Second History

My godmothers dad passed on. sigh. not even a month ago did my godfathers dad pass too. I know its part of life to pass on. Esp if you believe in God and heaven. But thinking now with all that's happening to the people around me. I'm not ready for it to happen to me. I'm scared. sigh. if only people could live like 900 years, like before. haha. then we'd over populate. lol!

3. Third History

I watched The Other Boleyn Girl. I watched it without knowing what it was about, but it was an awesome show! I didn't realise that it was the story/ history of how Christianity came about. The plot was like, how King Henry divorced his Spanish queen, and broke ties with the Roman Church. Where we actually descended from. And remarried Anne Boleyn. A woman who to me corrupted him, and his rule. Led him to start the Church of New England. Although there was lots of betrayal, lust, love, and sex!! the history was...and you must admit pretty darn good!!!

Day 3: I miss my boy!

Brunei

Left early this morning. I miss him already!!! As i saw him try not to cry,i felt so bad. I didn't cry. I couldn't. I mean if i let him see my emotions it might have made him feel worse. Sigh. I didn't want him to feel worse than he was already feeling. So i held back. But baby..... i miss you terribly already!

Yesterday was fun though, just relaxing by the pool, then lunch. :) Then the sushi dinner with your family, argh! i ate too much though :( lol
So, today i'll run extra rounds before training. hehe. Hopefully you'll notice more change..... fingers crossed.

Fingers crossed for something else too. yeah you know what i'm talking about. I'm so dreading it! Please please J have it tomorrow.

And i sense its going to rain again. It's like so unfair. It didn't rain yest but will today. I need to run!!!! Training isn't enough..... I hope training goes well today too. ( i wish they give us the respect we deserve afterall we are their seniors)

Keeping up my guard

I don't know why, but lately i've been thinking alot. Today, O mentioned some stuff as we were walking back to the car. Stuff i thought i knew answers to. I sounded pretty confident in the answers i gave for him. But now i wonder if they are true. If what has been said, are from the bottom of his heart.
I sure as hell feel that way, i just sometimes need so much more than what he gives me. He doesn't seem to feel comfortable when i bring it up. Not like he used to...... i really need more. Do it for me?

Questions i sometimes ask myself:
1. Is everything still the same? (in views, dreams....future?)
2. Does he mean everything he says, or are they just replies to keep me happy?
3. Have we moved into what we keep talking about? (open, honestly, truth though it may hurt)
4. Can we really tolerate each other?

Why do i have all these questions? I've never been so insecure. Yet i've never felt this kind of joy, happiness, or love. Love that makes me feel like i can do anything. AM i a bad girlfriend for thinking it?
Will he get annoyed when i need him at my weak moments??

MEGA SALE!!!!

Today my mom and my sister and i went to the expo for the john little's sale! We spent like 2 and a half hours there....and spent a total of $251. But we bought a truckload of stuff. You know, lingerie, shorts, tops, shades, slippers :)
And i also happened to run into Andrea (Andre). He was with his mom, lugging his carrier bag around! lol. Cute la he, getting so dark too..... tanning like almost every time i see him. Good life ah Andrea?? lol.
Later, as we were paying for our stuff - here were two cashiers (boys) - the one bagging kept looking at me and smiling. haha. so i smiled back. He kinda looked Filipino, we all figured. Then we went for ice cream, the vendor asked if we were Singaporean. Cute old man la, kept joking with us.

ok. I dont get it. Why is it people will say to my sister and i, "are you sisters?", then the next minute say "you both look so much alike".....like hello!!!! make sense of it...dude.

oh and yes. i must say i am so proud of myself, i ran 4km yesterday, without stopping. Ok may not seem like much but i dont usually run more than 2 km and i haven't had a proper run in like since sec sch?? lol. congrads sam!

Right i'm off to play poker with my one and only.....
till then
xoxo.......

Obession!

Absence is said to make the heart grow fonder:

I won't lie, that much is true.
I felt its work, when we were only half way through.
Its a year later now, and everything has changed.
What she said then, has started to take its phase.
No more opening of bottle caps, or surprises,
It is now practicality over fantasy.

Back at training. Like finally! i know. Its been 3 months. I feel so stiff, i can't do what i used to. Kinda depressing actually, cause i've always been seen as the gymnast of the team.....sigh. Oh well, time to shape up! lol.
Every time i decide to go for a run, its rains. So i'm not taking any chances i'm going to the gym! I so need to lose weight, personally i dont think i'm fat. I am big - build, my sister is small - built, but everyone always notices her. "wow, andrea you lost weight", they never notice me.... See all these people are going to land me in hospital one day; eating disorder they'd say. lol. Im tired of people calling me fat, even if they are joking. Its a total a spirit crusher- i think i might need that spirit stick now justin. haha.
Oh well, im kinda getting more depressed typing about it. So im going to work out my issues with the treadmill. lol. Plus! i had macs twice this week........ can you say pushing it?
Back to my diet plan i guess....its hilarious. I was eating less because i wasn't training, now that i am training i eat properly but im not losing any weight!!!!!!!! ok ok i know im obessed with my weight!