I can't wait to get back to school. I'm so bored at home. I want to meet new people, lol. Hopefully get into the same class as my girl mal! at least i'll know someone on my first day.

I was just informed yesterday that my batch- seniors, quit cheer! i was so shocked when ting messaged me. It was so sudden, well actually not so. They were mentioning it. Then they said they voiced out, but the juniors refused to listen. Sigh. What has happened to the team. Everyone is moving into different directions. I hope for something to happen to make them see where this team has come from, who are the people who built it, the values behind it.......... the queen! you know who you are. you've got nothing to lose if you BITCH out, not voice out. Because we sure as hell don't know how else to reach them. And this happened the one training i missed. My gosh!!!

and now my thoughts..... i feel like he's getting a little distant. i don't know how else to reach him. I've tried explaining, telling him how i feel about his reactions but nothing. its always a "ok", "sorry hun". are you afraid to respond when we talk, are you shy cause your mate is there? you were never like that, it has become like that over the year...... communication is important isn't it? how are we to move forward if we don't face what's right in front us.... is it asking too much? we've come so far, i don't want to lose you. they say you have one true love in your lifetime.. baby you are it. so lets try?

something so damn random

This week the juniors are coming in for their first training session, and i wont be there! Damn it. I sprained my wrist so badly. But im just thinking to go and see if i can help out for a few hours??? or should i rest my hand. I have to study too for my paper this sat.....hmm. Maybe i'll go on friday to relax a little before sat's paper.... we'll see how.

I need ideas for a 21st. My parents asked me again yesterday. Argh! so frustrating, i can't think of anything. I'm afraid i'll have friends who are anti social cause it isn't their clique and not mix around..... how how how??? I need help but yet the only person isn't around.... Trudy!!!! come back quick i miss you la woman!

I'm so bored.........there's got to be something more in Singapore for us to do. Its like we always go to the same places. Don't you think? I think we should hunt for weird strange things to do. Haha....

this is me now...

My life is so boring right now. After i quit my job at GG<5 all i've been doing is just staying at home. lol. Its relaxing! but i'm getting bored. My morning rituals are like this.....

Monday, Wednesday, Friday :

• 8-9am Good morning Mickey & House of Mouse
  
• 9-10am The Ellen Show
• 10-11am Mtv TRL
• 11-1130am Totally Spies
• 12-1pm Powerpuff girls
• 3-330pm The Bold and the Beautiful

As you all can tell by now, yes. I do love cartoons. lol. I'm still a kid deep within. But there are differences when its Tuesday and Thursday; i have training at TP!!! Finally something to keep me entertained. ;P
But its not enough, some one ask me out! Lets go for a movie, shopping..... dinner?? lol. Anyone.....









Out of the jungle and into a bunk! He's back he's back....or at least will be soon. :)

Over and done with

Our 2 performances came to an end yesterday :) I was really glad i didn't forget my dance steps. However, our first performance the table couldn't get up on time, and the second......this was so upsetting, because we couldn't hear the music to get our timing right for the simplest of stunts. The elevator pop :( other than that everything else went up. I'm not too upset about it, because we didn't have that much time to train, and practice for it. But all in all. It was an OK performance.

I was asked a funny question the other day. my answer back to you XL is.. yes i am interested actually. But..shhh don't tell anyone. hehe.

I was so exhausted yesterday, though i wanted to go out. But as soon as i reached home, did all the necessary i was out cold! slept for 10 hours and now im here blogging.

He's left with 4 more days in the jungle then he'll be back on the 26th, im so counting down the days. I miss him so much! But at least i have things to occupy me. Like the recruitment drive coming up, my tutorial class and studying for my supp thats on the 3rd of May, and of course training with the whacky Blazers, and words cant describe the captain la... lol. He does the strangest things and i always happen to catch them and laugh. Thanks ah.... makes part of my day.

i was kinda really happy i got to base more in the orientation performance. Usually im like tumbling or just spotting. Basing the table top felt great, along with the elevator and hitch :) maybe coach will let me base more.. lol!

Performance gitters

I'm so nerves about tomorrow. Blazers are performing at the TCC. It's been exactly 1 years since i last performed there. Yet im so nervous about it. Today we had to help out with the HSS students. And the few of us that went had to come up with a routine and teach the basic stuff to all of the students. omg! tiring..... But! it was kinda fun being on the other end, though a little stressful. I know how you feel Justin. HAHA!!! My worst fear tomorrow is that i screw up the dance, and everyone will be watching...ahhhh.

Ok, short entry. I'm tired. Got to wake up early for the performance. Damn! And Friday's performance in the hot sun!!!


I miss my boyfriend! so damn much.... come home :(

Out Field.

You after 3 weeks of confinement, with only 1 bar. So where are you at now?? ...... reaching pro-term and what? 3 bars.......

He left for his survival test this morning. Sigh. 9 days he'll be out in the jungle with like what 2 days of food to survive on? and..... navigation exercises. I hope he does well. Then he'll be awarded his badge. I'm so proud of you baby. You've made it this far, not long more and you'll be an Officer :) I remember when you first started your 9 month course, you we're so down about it. But look at where you are now..... In 2 months or less you'll be commissioned :) :) then hopefully its more flexible hours. I love you so so much!

this is going to be short

I realise now that everyone has their own mindset on how they want the team to function. But i'm thinking that's going to cause more problems. Though many of us didn't really reveal what we had on our minds during the last training session. I'm guessing its because we don't want to cause an argument. Or maybe we're just afraid of being backed into a corner verbally. I took last weekend to really think about all this. And i just want to post this out especially to my Blazers team mates.

I love all of you so much. When i came back, i have to admit i was really happy. Because no matter how bad my day was, when i step foot into training all that just goes away. And its because of you guys. So i think, in my opinion. We should give our input to everyone in the team, especially when we feel something should be done in a different way / approach. And not just demand on that change but suggest it and see what other responses you get. Cheer-ocracy :)

We are one team. One family. We should learn to understand each other. :)


This post once again. goes out to all my Blazers. See you later :)

History

1. First History

Training. Grudges held, and everything else we were feeling had to be said and gotten over with. Not that easy, but i guess we all have to move on till it surfaces again, Which i'm sure it will.....

2. Second History

My godmothers dad passed on. sigh. not even a month ago did my godfathers dad pass too. I know its part of life to pass on. Esp if you believe in God and heaven. But thinking now with all that's happening to the people around me. I'm not ready for it to happen to me. I'm scared. sigh. if only people could live like 900 years, like before. haha. then we'd over populate. lol!

3. Third History

I watched The Other Boleyn Girl. I watched it without knowing what it was about, but it was an awesome show! I didn't realise that it was the story/ history of how Christianity came about. The plot was like, how King Henry divorced his Spanish queen, and broke ties with the Roman Church. Where we actually descended from. And remarried Anne Boleyn. A woman who to me corrupted him, and his rule. Led him to start the Church of New England. Although there was lots of betrayal, lust, love, and sex!! the history was...and you must admit pretty darn good!!!

Day 3: I miss my boy!

Brunei

Left early this morning. I miss him already!!! As i saw him try not to cry,i felt so bad. I didn't cry. I couldn't. I mean if i let him see my emotions it might have made him feel worse. Sigh. I didn't want him to feel worse than he was already feeling. So i held back. But baby..... i miss you terribly already!

Yesterday was fun though, just relaxing by the pool, then lunch. :) Then the sushi dinner with your family, argh! i ate too much though :( lol
So, today i'll run extra rounds before training. hehe. Hopefully you'll notice more change..... fingers crossed.

Fingers crossed for something else too. yeah you know what i'm talking about. I'm so dreading it! Please please J have it tomorrow.

And i sense its going to rain again. It's like so unfair. It didn't rain yest but will today. I need to run!!!! Training isn't enough..... I hope training goes well today too. ( i wish they give us the respect we deserve afterall we are their seniors)

Keeping up my guard

I don't know why, but lately i've been thinking alot. Today, O mentioned some stuff as we were walking back to the car. Stuff i thought i knew answers to. I sounded pretty confident in the answers i gave for him. But now i wonder if they are true. If what has been said, are from the bottom of his heart.
I sure as hell feel that way, i just sometimes need so much more than what he gives me. He doesn't seem to feel comfortable when i bring it up. Not like he used to...... i really need more. Do it for me?

Questions i sometimes ask myself:
1. Is everything still the same? (in views, dreams....future?)
2. Does he mean everything he says, or are they just replies to keep me happy?
3. Have we moved into what we keep talking about? (open, honestly, truth though it may hurt)
4. Can we really tolerate each other?

Why do i have all these questions? I've never been so insecure. Yet i've never felt this kind of joy, happiness, or love. Love that makes me feel like i can do anything. AM i a bad girlfriend for thinking it?
Will he get annoyed when i need him at my weak moments??

MEGA SALE!!!!

Today my mom and my sister and i went to the expo for the john little's sale! We spent like 2 and a half hours there....and spent a total of $251. But we bought a truckload of stuff. You know, lingerie, shorts, tops, shades, slippers :)
And i also happened to run into Andrea (Andre). He was with his mom, lugging his carrier bag around! lol. Cute la he, getting so dark too..... tanning like almost every time i see him. Good life ah Andrea?? lol.
Later, as we were paying for our stuff - here were two cashiers (boys) - the one bagging kept looking at me and smiling. haha. so i smiled back. He kinda looked Filipino, we all figured. Then we went for ice cream, the vendor asked if we were Singaporean. Cute old man la, kept joking with us.

ok. I dont get it. Why is it people will say to my sister and i, "are you sisters?", then the next minute say "you both look so much alike".....like hello!!!! make sense of it...dude.

oh and yes. i must say i am so proud of myself, i ran 4km yesterday, without stopping. Ok may not seem like much but i dont usually run more than 2 km and i haven't had a proper run in like since sec sch?? lol. congrads sam!

Right i'm off to play poker with my one and only.....
till then
xoxo.......

Obession!

Absence is said to make the heart grow fonder:

I won't lie, that much is true.
I felt its work, when we were only half way through.
Its a year later now, and everything has changed.
What she said then, has started to take its phase.
No more opening of bottle caps, or surprises,
It is now practicality over fantasy.

Back at training. Like finally! i know. Its been 3 months. I feel so stiff, i can't do what i used to. Kinda depressing actually, cause i've always been seen as the gymnast of the team.....sigh. Oh well, time to shape up! lol.
Every time i decide to go for a run, its rains. So i'm not taking any chances i'm going to the gym! I so need to lose weight, personally i dont think i'm fat. I am big - build, my sister is small - built, but everyone always notices her. "wow, andrea you lost weight", they never notice me.... See all these people are going to land me in hospital one day; eating disorder they'd say. lol. Im tired of people calling me fat, even if they are joking. Its a total a spirit crusher- i think i might need that spirit stick now justin. haha.
Oh well, im kinda getting more depressed typing about it. So im going to work out my issues with the treadmill. lol. Plus! i had macs twice this week........ can you say pushing it?
Back to my diet plan i guess....its hilarious. I was eating less because i wasn't training, now that i am training i eat properly but im not losing any weight!!!!!!!! ok ok i know im obessed with my weight!